You know, I’ve been trying to write this post for AGES and this must be the fourth, maybe fifth version. While I love holding the delete button, it doesn’t feel anywhere near as satisfying as screwing up a piece of paper and lobbing it across the dining room towards (but never into) the bin!
What I wanted to write about was something that would give you a little insight into my other half… the Hub. In one version it turned into a ‘this is what he does well/wrong’ fest. In another, I found myself blabbering on about the importance of friends and wandering waaaay off topic – something I can do very well and with no notice (just ask my colleagues!)
Anyway…. I then thought ‘what am I doing?’ – he’s not reading these posts anyway, so either say nothing, or make it all up! So here goes… my lovely Hub is a 30 something, 6ft+ muscle-bound, awesome-in-the-kitchen (keep it clean MJ – Child No1 reads this!) – tanned Greek God-like specimen….
3…2…1… you’re back in the room….
Ahhh…My lovely Hub. The father of my children. His chat up line was “Let me take you out for a drink, I know Marti Pellow!” Now… younger followers – this, in 1993, to a 19-year-old market town lass was like being told someone could introduce you to Harry Styles or Taylor Swift! In fact, the Hub… he wasn’t wrong, he did know MP – worked with him on tour (including a gig that I and BFF Sarah G had been to!) AND, as he correctly stated, his name was in the back of the tour programme! But this is a chapter for another post…. one with a warning for those who may have heard this MANY times before! Anyway, it did lead to another drink, another night out… the rest as they say….
So why the Hub? Well, it’s short for husband (obvs!), but I also see him as the Hub at the centre of our family. Before you get all women’s lib on me, I don’t mean that we can’t function without him (I think I’ve proved many times we most definitely can!!) What I mean is that we are a unit and from my perspective, in order for me to work effectively as a wife/parent, I work better with him. I’d like to think he sees me as having the same impact on that unit. I would ask him – but, as I type this, he’s asleep on the sofa (-again!) with the TV playing away to itself!
I said in a previous post, how I envy his tight circle of friends – a group who adopted me as one of their own and while we don’t see each other as often as we’d like, it’s bloody brilliant when we do all get together! Life with the Hub is never dull… he doesn’t suffer fools. Oh no he doesn’t! But he’s a loyal friend. He’d hate to read me writing mushy things about him, so I won’t!
But the reality is, we aren’t the people we have become if it wasn’t for those around us. I’m lucky enough to have the support of both my parents and super extended family. I think I am a more passionate person as a result of being a parent… there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my children. However, as they grow, I am going to draw the line at clearing up alcohol induced messes! But that’s waaaaay off yet! I’m not blind to the fact that my children are far from perfect – they know the standards bar is set high and it’s set high for a reason. An excellent child psychologist once told us on a training session at work that the worst mistake a parent could make was to help a child out of a ‘hole’ (mistake, problem with friends, difficulty with homework etc) and then set them back on the road so they have missed the hole entirely. He said we should provide them with the tools to get out of the hole themselves and where that wasn’t possible, we should set them back, so they are facing the ‘hole’ and provide them with the tools to either go round it, or fill it in… I loved that analogy – OK, it might have come across better in a training session than how I have written it, but he’s right. Have I gone off track again?! Well, not really – because for me, I have become the parent, friend, sister, daughter that I am because of my time with the Hub. He drives me round the bloody bend sometimes, let me tell you. He gets cross if he sets a time deadline for something and people don’t keep to it, but yet he’s notoriously the last one out of the house when we’re going somewhere… I nicknamed him Captain Faff and he was then promoted to Major Faff because of his ability to find the most annoying teeny-weeny jobs when he should be doing something else. When he’s in an annoying mood nothing will stop him from poking, prodding, tickling and generally being a pest. And he’s often asleep within 10 minutes of taking a seat on the sofa!
We are fiercely proud of the Hub’s time in the armed forces. As a Royal Marine he saw active service in the Falkland’s campaign and spent many years as a TA and then RAF reservist. The Military has never really left him (another annoying trait, as times) but one thing it has done is provide me with a straight talking, no-nonsense, tell-it-as-I-see-it partner!! He is the voice of reason when I come over all female and emotional. When I’m ranting and raving about injustice in education, or the inconsistencies I see around me, he is Mr Practical. I wouldn’t ever call him calm (he was once a red-head!!), and yes, the stereotyping has a ring of truth as far as fiery personality is concerned. But he does think with a practical mind, does the Hub! I won’t tell him often, but he is often right! In recent times he has surprised me with an amazing surprise 40th birthday weekend (even if he did moan for 2 months afterwards about his extraordinarily high phone bills, while he tried to keep the secret!), he never batted an eyelid when I frog marched him into a well known high-priced high street jewellers, to purchase a bracelet and charms, just before Christmas! And when the frustrations of working in education management become too much, from time to time, he is one of only a few listening ears I can really trust! My life is speckled with gems… people I hold dear, both family and friends. I don’t have a wide circle of close friends. I have chosen to trust only a few solid, very real people. People who at different times enrich my life in ways they possibly don’t always realise and would hate to be told. But at the centre of that cluster of shining gems is the mass that is my Hub… a rock solid piece of granite – immovable and dependable. If he does get to the read this and reaches this far, he’ll be cringing “what on earth are you writing about me for…?!” And that will make me smile!
So… spend some time reflecting on your nearest and dearest. Give them a hug, soon.
Sending gushiest wishes your way! (Normal witty service will resume shortly!!)